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i haz no socialization skillz...
May. 13th, 2008 08:56 pmOver the past weekend, I ran into a woman I went to both grammar AND high school with. In grammar school, we occasionally played over each other's houses, when younger, but drifted apart during puberty. She went into the fast-track (popularity, school government, letter sweaters, cheerleading and dating), while I drifted into anonymity and became pretty much a social nonentity (I didn't clique at all).
So. There we were both in the Dunkin' Donuts on Saturday morning. I totally blanked. What do I have to say to someone I don't really feel I was ever close friends with, daresay don't have much in common with at all? Sure, we shared a common physical institutional education, but our experiences of that time and subsequent 20+ years have been vastly different. In that 5-10 minutes of "Hey, how ARE you?!" and then, "Uhh..." what is there to say? She has the husband +2 kids, stay at home mother/homemaker thing and I'm working, ambivalently single, and involved with a Shakespeare theatre company which has pretty much become my entire world of social input. I have loads of free time, relatively few committments, and no desire for a family life nor children. I'm just not very rooted in the entire social milestone thing, as I've elaborated here before.
I guess when I see someone from my past, and/or someone whose life is so starkly different from mine, I falter a bit. Like I really can't help but be made aware that I'm defying convention. Perhaps if I were really happy with all the choices I've made... perhaps if I were totally on board with the way my life has gone... granted some things are great. But some things, well, it's all I can do to keep my head above water. I just don't have a clue how to get from point A to point H. I wonder whether I'll ever get the hang of things...
Fortunately, I was there with the director of the play and we had a ready excuse to leave, so I didn't have to linger too long in the awkward blather I heard myself saying.
Of course now..
So. There we were both in the Dunkin' Donuts on Saturday morning. I totally blanked. What do I have to say to someone I don't really feel I was ever close friends with, daresay don't have much in common with at all? Sure, we shared a common physical institutional education, but our experiences of that time and subsequent 20+ years have been vastly different. In that 5-10 minutes of "Hey, how ARE you?!" and then, "Uhh..." what is there to say? She has the husband +2 kids, stay at home mother/homemaker thing and I'm working, ambivalently single, and involved with a Shakespeare theatre company which has pretty much become my entire world of social input. I have loads of free time, relatively few committments, and no desire for a family life nor children. I'm just not very rooted in the entire social milestone thing, as I've elaborated here before.
I guess when I see someone from my past, and/or someone whose life is so starkly different from mine, I falter a bit. Like I really can't help but be made aware that I'm defying convention. Perhaps if I were really happy with all the choices I've made... perhaps if I were totally on board with the way my life has gone... granted some things are great. But some things, well, it's all I can do to keep my head above water. I just don't have a clue how to get from point A to point H. I wonder whether I'll ever get the hang of things...
Fortunately, I was there with the director of the play and we had a ready excuse to leave, so I didn't have to linger too long in the awkward blather I heard myself saying.
Of course now..
