Nov. 15th, 2007 01:25 pm
pairika: (Default)
[personal profile] pairika
Evasive maneuvers

Venus Opposition Chiron VenusOppositionChiron, exact at 22:10 
activity period from 14 November 2007 to 15 November 2007.

During this time, it may well be that you hide yourself away somewhere to avoid having to deal with the tension between your desires and your anxieties.  Or perhaps you give in to your desire, but only half-heartedly, so that you get only half of something in the end, which is not what you actually wanted.  This quality of time can indicate where your difficulties lie, ie: in acknowledging your desires and completely giving yourself up to certain experiences.  You will perhaps ascertain that this has to do with an insecurity or feeling of inadequacy of yours.  That is why you should find out which experiences you actually avoid -- then you can make a conscious effort to share these experiences with an understanding, sympathetic person who will not injure you anew. 


I'm really familiar with that feeling of insecurity and inadequacy.  I often feel I'm just not substantial enough -- not physically, but that I don't make enough of a deep impression to hold anyone for long.  That maybe no one could really love or care about me too deeply.  I worry that people I like, people I really care for just pay me too little thought overall.  And it seems too easy to just forget someone who simply isn't around you often enough.  Times like this, beset with these thoughts, most of my ties just seem so fragile and tenuous.  Like they don't hold up under fire, or testing.  It can be so difficult to have faith in my friends, in the future, and of course, in myself.

The dream about the abandoned farmhouse -- sounds so much like a representation of me to some degree.  Unoccupied, still, untouched.  Especially untouched.  And I worry so that I can't seem to change my condition regarding that "untouched" state to any significant degree.

Or else, I feel I have no choice but to simply wait, helpless, not knowing what the future holds.
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