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[personal profile] pairika
Last week, I had an epiphany driving on the Platt Bridge.

I'm aching for *real* revolution in my life.  And I find myself deeply envying people I see who are fulfilling their dreams, living their lives spontaneously and intensely.  My envy seethes inside when it seems it's just so easy for them to pick up and DO, whereas I dither, put off, and wait for something to happen.  I'm at that point that I crave different.  Not just me experiencing.  I want to experience someone else who will change my paradigm, someone who can shake me up, shake me out of stagnancy.   

I need a real catalyst.  A juggernaut.  A positive force to be reckoned with...

People have sometimes told me that I'm attracted to the "wrong" people.  But, I have never really believed that true.  I'm always attracted to what I feel I need in my life.  And I don't think it's ever inaccurate.  After years of waiting, playing safe, being careful, I want to really encounter someone to teach me to let go.  Someone who SEES me and desires to free me from fetters and straw dogs.  Not someone entirely reckless (like Tom) and undirected, but someone I can place trust in, who will stir me to think LESS to experience more.  A whirlwind of fire and air to catch me up in.  Someone that I can willingly surrender to without fear.

I'm tired of this fear. 

Perhaps a tall order, but it's really so simple.  I do all the work!


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November 2008

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