May. 13th, 2008

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Over the past weekend, I ran into a woman I went to both grammar AND high school with.  In grammar school, we occasionally played over each other's houses, when younger, but drifted apart during puberty.  She went into the fast-track (popularity, school government, letter sweaters, cheerleading and dating), while I drifted into anonymity and became pretty much a social nonentity (I didn't clique at all).

So.  There we were both in the Dunkin' Donuts on Saturday morning.  I totally blanked.  What do I have to say to someone I don't really feel I was ever close friends with, daresay don't have much in common with at all?  Sure, we shared a common physical institutional education, but our experiences of that time and subsequent 20+ years have been vastly different.  In that 5-10 minutes of "Hey, how ARE you?!" and then, "Uhh..." what is there to say?  She has the husband +2 kids, stay at home mother/homemaker thing and I'm working, ambivalently single, and involved with a Shakespeare theatre company which has pretty much become my entire world of social input.  I have loads of free time, relatively few committments, and no desire for a family life nor children.   I'm just not very rooted in the entire social milestone thing, as I've elaborated here before.

I guess when I see someone from my past, and/or someone whose life is so starkly different from mine, I falter a bit.  Like I really can't help but be made aware that I'm defying convention.  Perhaps if I were really happy with all the choices I've made... perhaps if I were totally on board with the way my life has gone... granted some things are great.  But some things, well, it's all I can do to keep my head above water.  I just don't have a clue how to get from point A to point H.  I wonder whether I'll ever get the hang of things... 

Fortunately, I was there with the director of the play and we had a ready excuse to leave, so I didn't have to linger too long in the awkward blather I heard myself saying.

Of course now..

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pairika

November 2008

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