Aug. 21st, 2007

pairika: (Default)

On further thought, I wonder whether I just get upset at all these admonitions to be "careful" because it seems like the speaker is negating/overlooking the fact that someone I want is actually ATTRACTED to me.  The important thing to me is that I find someone interesting AND interested, and I don't want to be dissuaded or discouraged.

To some degree it feels like being told not to feel *too* good about something exciting.  And there's also the such a "long time coming" thing for me.  I wait for so long for someone to come along that I can actually feel thrilled about and suddenly everyone is telling me to put the brakes on.  More waiting?  More carefulness?  So I strain to be free of limits because it seems I endure so many for years.  

I feel I deserve the reward of a little romance without poring over drawbacks.

Certainly, I'm aware that my romantic adventures seem to be feast-or-famine.  Long periods of draught that move imperceptibly into periods of intensity.  I'm prone to lose my head and rush in -- but I'm also not 20 anymore.  It's impossible to be as idealistic as I used to be.  I'm aware of downsides and caveats.  

I just want to be in the moment.

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pairika

November 2008

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